#LOVEYOSELF

 

The recurring theme for 2016 has been “love yourself”. It’s two very simple words and yet the majority of us lack the skill-set needed to complete the task. LOVE YOURSELF.  Love is not only a noun. LOVE IS A VERB. IT IS AN ACTION. As a verb it can be defined as: like very much; find pleasure in.  That the task before us. We need to learn and perpetuate the action of liking ourselves and finding pleasure in our own company. It is by far the most powerful thing we can ever do for our souls.  It is by far the kindness action we can take to heal. Yet, life hardens us to the point that we forget this simple task. This year, put it on your to-do-list, create the habit, indulge… #LOVEYOSELF.

Relationships are friendships with an extraordinary cover of #LOVE

#LOVE

So many countless times, I have said this quietly in the car.  The overwhelming load of single motherhood has humbled me, scared me, inspired me, motivated me and sadden me.  I feel as though unlucky in keeping a bad marriage, but Blessed that I was a loving, kind and motivated mom through it all.  

If today you feel that somehow you have fallen short, please do not beat yourself up… YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN. 

-@Efabulous1

I got this piece of “soul beauty” from http://www.powerofpositivity.com … go visit them and hug your soul! 

Lead and love by example…

Divorce: Not Just an End – But a Beginning, Too

Divorce: Not Just an End – But a Beginning, Too

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Divorce: Not Just an End – But a Beginning, Too

Lord knows I am a good mother, so why…. why do I feel like I will never have enough to give to make my kid be able to dominate and be successful in the  real world.

It happens more often than not, I compare myself to other women’s situation. At 40, I know you should never do that.  YOU CANNOT WALK 2 FREAKING CENTIMETERS IN ANOTHER WOMAN’S SHOES.

So why, why do I do it?
Answer: I feel inadequate.
Why:  I was married. I had done all this cool stuff. I had what society told me was the perfect nuclear family. I had a beautiful baby.

I perfect hid my clinical depression, broken life and ultimately my broken heart.

Now what would I be able to give my daughter? Divorced mom, with just a bachelors and a long hyphenated-name.

Sometimes, I feel that I am not the best mom I can be … and I feel that my daughter will not be in the talented tenth and be able to compete.

Am I projecting?
Yes.
Hard.
Fast.
… and long.

I wasn’t supposed to make it.  The impoverished, scrawny African American girl from the bowels of the South Side of Chicago aka 79th Street.  I wasn’t supposed to want to travel the world, leave the country, have a fairy tale romance, a great education, a dynamic resume and life stories that would make you think I was a bootleg Kennedy. I guess I always knew I was special… and now that I’ve had this grand life, I want my daughter’s life to be this and more….

TENFOLD.

Yet, how can I give her the world, the oyster, the stars and moon and I have NO WEALTH. Income is not wealth. I have an income. I have no wealth.  …And as a single African American woman, I am on the bottom of the totem pole for wealth distribution.

YET, SHE CANNOT LOSE.
SHE JUST CANNOT BE AT THE BOTTOM, EVER.
EVER.

I WANT HER TO BE ON TOP ACADEMICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY.

I WANT HER TO WIN AT LIFE, BECAUSE A PART OF ME FEELS I LOST.

I won’t let my daughter have a mediocre life. I didn’t birth her from my loins for mediocrity. Regular people make the world go round and us Armour girls… well we freaking make the world spin around faster when you engage us.

I just want her to be the greater me that I could have been had my parents stayed together, had society not marginalized little Black girls into being either spiritually castrated by the Black church or demoralized in the white supremacist’s slave fantasy.  I want her to be the greater me had my mother stood by me during my teenage years with care and love, instead of emotionally abandoning me and reducing me a lone and lonely soul.

I just want her to be GREATER THAN ME.

Listen, I’m not a freaking ungrateful bastard of a woman. I know that I am so Blessed compared to how I grew up and how some people live now. You don’t think I know that… you’ve listened to me whinge and moan and now you want me to stop.

F*** you.
No.
Wanting excellence is not something that stops until it’s achieved.
Maybe that’s my problem.
I’ve let myself down.

Queue the Talking Heads song.

I guess this rant is a plea for help. A plea for sanity. A letter to myself to say, @Efabulous1 … you are no more worse or better than any other mother that wants the absolute best for their kid.  Perhaps these words are supposed to manifest themselves into a self hug, manifest themselves into being more self aware and less self critical.

God gave me this life, one life… and I just have to make damn sure I give her all the best with all I have all the time until I call her up on the phone, smiling and say…

Babe, I gave you everything I have… and mommy is still here standing always having your back.

… Now give me my sake and turn the radio up!

[Fin]

The art of commitment has been lost.  Many people don’t realize the issues you encounter in one relationship you will repeat in another,  unless you work on your issues and re-evaluate where you went wrong. 

The elation of the “greener pastures” wears off and wears thin,  when you realize you have up the person with 80% of your desired qualities for that person that gave you 20% of the fantasy. 

Love could be much simpler,  if we just committed ourselves to stay in love.

The ramifications of not doing your duty as a parent is so soul crushing,  a true parent who loves their child has no choice but to do their best,  love unconditionally and give their all. 

There are too many screwed up humans on the planet,  make an awesome one…

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Never be afraid to apologize to your child. If you lose your temper and say something in anger that wasn’t meant to be said, apologize. Children need to know that adults can admit when they are wrong.

American Humane Society (via maninsun)

This is so very true. Children need to know… we all are human.

When I close my eyes… I will smile with no more regrets.  @efabulous1 for @twodopemoms #MommyFab #love #noregrets #passionoflife #rureadytolive

I hadn’t wore my Nike Air football jacket since winter 2011. In Winter 2011, due to my depression, I spent a lot of time in that jacket fantasizing that things would get better and our little family would be okay. It never happened. He left me in April / May 2012. We divorced in April 2013. Fast forward to winter 2013; Yesterday, I wore my jacket and I came home in tears really despondent. I felt a paper in my inside pocket. It was this note from my ex-husband… “I love you”. It was like the notes he used to write me when I first moved to England, when we were inseparable and learning to love each other. I saw this note yesterday, I broke down and cried for hours, alone. I held my jacket tightly with the note in it and laid in my kid’s bed. I guess it was a deep, mourning of the past forever gone… I had to release. I was cuddling the death of the my greatest romance, I was cuddling my past as if to finally say goodbye and I was sad that our relationship was so bad that I never saw this note. What was most ironic is he put it on the inside pocket and that pocket sits next to my heart in my jacket. I want to thank my ex-husband for writing me that note because yesterday I felt alone, abandoned and sick with emotions and even two years and one divorce later… His beautiful little note made me feel LOVED. He still managed to make me feel special and to pierce my heart with a kindness. Thank you Neville, God Bless you old friend! #MommyFab #TwoDopeMoms #Efabulous1 #LOVE #divorce #life

If you are in a relationship and you are sinking, the person watching you SINK due to apathy is helping you DROWN… emotionally, mentally, sexually and physically.

Harness your power of Happiness from within. Use the notion that you are worth passion, adoration, love, kindness, tenderness, partnership, intellectual engagement, laughter, admiration, respect, honesty and honor…. Harness those thoughts and keep afloat knowing you don’t have to settle.

Life is too short, you don’t have to sink… You deserve to float with the sun beaming endlessly on your beautiful face.

That’s one to grow on.

#MommyFab #TwoDopeMoms #Efabulous1 #womaninher40s #learningtolove #LOVE #loveyourself

It is always about the #LOVE. Always. #MommyFab #TwoDopeMoms #Efabulous1

I think I am completely disenchanted with the definition of #LOVE I learned. It doesn’t seem just and true, I need to be taught to love again authentically. I just don’t see the magic in it anymore… And if the magic is just the superficial, then define for me the enthralling beauty of the quiet, deep, everlasting love… The one that we rarely have in our lives, but that everyone writes about in books. Me thinks the only tangible love is that of the Creator and that between parent & child. Everything else is a consistent mimic. #MommyFab #TwoDopeMoms #Efabulous1