Divorce: Not Just an End – But a Beginning, Too

Divorce: Not Just an End – But a Beginning, Too


Divorce: Not Just an End – But a Beginning, Too

The art of commitment has been lost.  Many people don’t realize the issues you encounter in one relationship you will repeat in another,  unless you work on your issues and re-evaluate where you went wrong. 

The elation of the “greener pastures” wears off and wears thin,  when you realize you have up the person with 80% of your desired qualities for that person that gave you 20% of the fantasy. 

Love could be much simpler,  if we just committed ourselves to stay in love.

I hadn’t wore my Nike Air football jacket since winter 2011. In Winter 2011, due to my depression, I spent a lot of time in that jacket fantasizing that things would get better and our little family would be okay. It never happened. He left me in April / May 2012. We divorced in April 2013. Fast forward to winter 2013; Yesterday, I wore my jacket and I came home in tears really despondent. I felt a paper in my inside pocket. It was this note from my ex-husband… “I love you”. It was like the notes he used to write me when I first moved to England, when we were inseparable and learning to love each other. I saw this note yesterday, I broke down and cried for hours, alone. I held my jacket tightly with the note in it and laid in my kid’s bed. I guess it was a deep, mourning of the past forever gone… I had to release. I was cuddling the death of the my greatest romance, I was cuddling my past as if to finally say goodbye and I was sad that our relationship was so bad that I never saw this note. What was most ironic is he put it on the inside pocket and that pocket sits next to my heart in my jacket. I want to thank my ex-husband for writing me that note because yesterday I felt alone, abandoned and sick with emotions and even two years and one divorce later… His beautiful little note made me feel LOVED. He still managed to make me feel special and to pierce my heart with a kindness. Thank you Neville, God Bless you old friend! #MommyFab #TwoDopeMoms #Efabulous1 #LOVE #divorce #life

That’s my dog…

Co-Parenting Dogs | What Happens to Dogs When Couples Split? – #LivingWithDogs

That’s my dog…

“Emailing from Twitter is awesome! When the f*** did this happen?” Answer in my head: Oh yeah, during my long a** soul destroying divorce.

@Efabulous1 – divorced mom of 1 super genius and I like arugula, like I really like arugula. Like, I almost love it. Like, a person. 

I cannot hate you, we made a human! Damn. We are connected for life. Damn. Damn. Damn.

My insane but peace-keeping thoughts on this thing called Co-Parenting. I say if you made a human and you want to make sure that human is not really screwed up, go the extra mile to keep things peaceful and harmonious with the special humans other biological parent… even if they are being a super uber douche with duck poo on their head! 

…and that’s one to grow on!

Pinboards of the hearts, PDF to your mind

When you love from the heart, there are some special moments. Moments when the universe tells you in your soul… I brought you two together for this moment. You feel as though everything you’ve ever done lead us to this moment and you never want it to end. … For some that moment lasts a life time, for some its fleeting.

I now look at my 10 year relationship and 8.75 years of marriage as a pinboard of my heart. You choose special memories to fill your board up and tell a beautiful story, choose not to fill it up with the ugliness of the “End” or the “fairytale” and lies of the beginning. Fill your board up with those authentic, surreal, touching, special moments where the universe told you in your soul… I brought you two together for these moments.

Take your board and frame it as a PDF in your mind. Then delete it from your heart. Smile, laugh and cry when you mentally retrieve your pinboard and relive those astounding moments of love.

This will allow you to forgive and if some of us are ever lucky enough… To love again.

… As I struggle to let my Pinboard of the heart go… I send wishes of peace, fairness, kindness and the restoration of joy to those walking the path with me.


A reply to a post that woke up my broken heart on @TheDailyLove on September 3, 2012

You cannot control LOVE. It cannot be mapped out on a timeline. It cannot grow with fear. You cannot trick it to stay with hope for what you think you want in the future. Real love is driven by destiny, feeling secure in the uncertainty of your passionate feelings, trust in each other and forgiveness of one another. Do not substitute comfortable for Love. Do not settle and call it Love. Just LOVE one another authentically. If you two cannot move forward by letting your past go and shape a new dynamic love without the baggage of your old relationship. Then take a step back and be authentic about what you really want for yourself and go from that place … Be prepared to be truthful and possibly let each other go… -@Efabulous1 for @TwoDopeMoms

You don’t know anything about life until you live it…

So I’m getting a divorce. …and we will leave it at that for details. LOL!  Yet, I found myself back tracking over my entire life. Then with some stellar counseling and some awesome friends I am encouraged to know that you cannot change the past and we don’t know much about life until we live it…. so focus on the future and keep on living.  I woke up today with that on my mind and things seem to click. I seemed to feel better about all that was around me because I’m actually a pretty lucky girl. I have an awesome daughter, fabulous friends, dynamic family, gainfully employed and I can PIN like nobody’s business. Life is good.

So yes, we get knocked down with twist and turns, bumps and bruises…. but you had no idea it was coming and now that you’ve over the hump… keep living.