No, you are 3 years old… you cannot have an iPad because your best friend has one! Damn you we are #TeamBlackberry

All the tablets in the world!

It started on Tuesday.

I was driving my 3 year old to school and she was playing Alphabet Goop on my Playbook.  The game was going swimmingly. Then, out of no where, out the blue, came 6 words that tore my heart out and made me scream for Jesus to come down and save me now!

My 3 year old said to me “Mommy, can I have an iPad?”

What the hell?

Call an exorcist, my child is possessed by Steve Wonziak… HE’S A WARLOCK, I TELL YOU.

I turned around calmly and said “We are #TeamBlackberry, we don’t need an iPad. Plus, mommy bought you a Nook Color when you turned 3 years old. Theorectically, you have 2 tablets, which are better than an iPad”.

Retort from 3 year old human: “…but Lesley (her BFF) has an iPad!”

The conversation dies down. I put my foot down.

Until this morning… while I was talking to “Granny Marie”, a shrill voice of a naughty 3 year old raised high and mighty during our phone conversation and then uttered the blaspheme of modern ages to #TeamBlackberry….

Mommy, can I have an iPad? I want one.  Lesley has one.

I said no. What will you do with the Nook Color.

Response from small human: I guess I have to close it up.

*blank stare at small child I gave birth to 3 years ago*…. CALL THE EXORCIST! IT’S THE APPLE DEVIL FROM WITHIN!

I thought about it….

I got very quiet….

…then with all the might of a mighty warrior preparing to do battle with the giant cyclops using only stones, I replied….

“go ask your father!”

Playdoh and the Apocalypse

This is the beginning of the end! The apocalypse will start with Playdoh.

I am out of my intellectual depth! Do you hear me! Hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllo! Help me! Call 9-1-1.

I have never been a fan of Playdoh and I had Playdoh as a kid. Yet, I know that it is EVIL. It dries. It clumps, it multiples, it spreads over our media room. My child …. do I thwart her dreams of squishing some soft textured dough in hopes it improves the dexterity of her fingers. Who am I right now? A substance that I cannot even define unless I “google” it has given me the shakes. This is a formidable enemy that knows no bounds!

I had to reach out to a multitude of people on facebook for help…. this is the type of war I’m fighting! I need more to join my army people!

Here’s the best piece of advice I got:  http://www.hasbro.com/playdoh/en_US/clean-up.cfm

If you, like me are in fear of the squishy substance of Lucifer himself… you are not alone, my friend. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!